The Fifty Fifty Marriage
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More Books by Dr .Vijay Nagaswami
We may choose to have agreements about economics related to who will earn how much to make our system go, who will pitch in what money for what bills, and whose life energy will accomplish what tasks. We may also make agreements about other aspects of the relationship. Such agreements are normal and natural, and have their place in every relationship. But when a relationship is predominantly carried on like a series of business transactions, there can be a tendency to withhold or to feel controlled. When the flow of giving stops, both people suffer.
Out of the feelings of hurt and deprivation, complaints, criticism, and demands begin.
Marriage Isn’t Supposed to Be 50/50
The climate of the relationship deteriorates, and a downward spiral can spin out of control. A personal relationship is so much more than its transactional aspects. And we are wise when we put that part of the relationship in its place, relegating it to a lower level of significance. We can instead work to cultivate a more mutual generosity and trust. There are a great many forms that these practices of devotion can take, including loving touch, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service.
When our generosity comes from a pure heart, both giver and receiver are beneficiaries. This is the essence of what is referred to as enlightened self-interest. It often does take a leap of faith to give up the scorekeeping and become less conditional in our giving. If you like what you read, click here to visit our website bloomwork. Follow us on Facebook! Mutuality is great is you can achieve it. So is love.
But you don't need marriage which is big business to achieve that.
Living Together Dangerously | EWTN
But let's be realistic here - marriage is a legal arrangement. It is a business. It is a corporation.
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It is bound by legal obligations and responsibilities that have nothing to do with love. Marriage sets the couple apart from other relationships that are NOT legally bound by the matrimonial laws in their jurisdiction. Everyone has a prenup as marriage is between two people and the state. Ignore that fact at your own peril. You can have all the love in the world, but if your partner makes for a poor business partner that behavior can sink both of you faster than anything else.
I find it interesting that there is so little emphasis on the rights and responsibilities and financial repercussions of marriage, yet so much on "love". I am not sure what "putting that part of the relationship in it's place" means - but that business part had better be tended to by both parties.
To me, having a partner responsibly tend to all the assets held jointly, keeping it safe from harm - is far more romantic than any gift. Having an abiding interest in the marital corporation is the ultimate act of service - for me.
A relationship is a partnership.. You work as a team with your best friend.. You say just let go and everything will be good? I'm sorry but no.. One spouse will be hurt, drained and taken advantage of.. I'm exactly like Mira in a relationship. I'm always very conscious of how much I am contributing. I usually feel anxious about not being exploited. It's like she wants to be treated like a princess but she doesn't want to act like one.
I mean.. You can't have everything in a relationship. I need help.
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